Trauma can significantly impact our relationships and how we show up in them, which is why understanding our trauma response types is essential for building strong relationships. When we’ve experienced emotional damage, it can be easy to fall into patterns of avoidance and busyness as a way to cope. Trauma activates the parts of our brain designed to keep us safe.
What are trauma response types?
When we don’t heal from past traumas, we can allow them to influence our choices because we are following our unhealthy coping patterns. This can also lead us to unconsciously choose partners opposite to what we actually want in a relationship. Instead of seeking out qualities like safety, trust, and connection, we may choose partners who activate our attachment wounds and reinforce unhealthy patterns.
That’s why it’s so important to understand our attachment types – whether it’s anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, or secure attachment. This can help us become more aware of how we show up in relationships and allow us to make more conscious choices.
Why do we select unhealthy partners?
We tend to quickly attach to people because they feel familiar, even if that familiarity is unhealthy. If we grew up in chaos and unpredictability, we might be drawn to people who create that same sense of instability. We might say things like, “I need someone to keep me on my toes,” but we’re really seeking someone who is emotionally unstable – because that’s what we’re used to. It can be difficult to break these patterns, but it’s essential to recognize that familiarity isn’t always a good thing.
Change the patterns to heal emotional damage.
One way to stop trauma response behaviors and start making healthier choices is by building resiliency and emotional regulation. This can help us feel more grounded and secure in our relationships, and it can also help us avoid sabotaging our own happiness. We may sabotage our relationships because, deep down, we don’t believe we are worthy of healthy and safe relationships. But it’s important to remember that our value doesn’t come from what we do or who we’re with – it comes from the fact that we simply exist. We must take care of ourselves and prioritize self-love and self-care to heal and create healthy relationships.
End the cylces of trauma response behaviors.
It can be scary to move toward the unfamiliar, but sometimes that’s exactly what we need to do. You can’t heal until you recognize the trauma response types. We may have to cut ourselves open and look at our patterns to heal and grow.
It’s not a badge of honor to carry around our burdens and emotional damage. We need to let go and start to visualize ourselves as the happy, confident, and healed versions of ourselves. By taking care of ourselves and making conscious choices, we can create the healthy and fulfilling relationships we deserve.
